


Abel Township's noticeboard

by AnselaJonla



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/F, F/M, Facebook, Freeform, M/M, Simon thinks he's god's gift to women, but they really really can't, everyone in Abel thinks they can sing, is everyone in Abel insane, sleep deprived ramblings, the zombie apocalypse is not good for anyone's sanity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:29:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 7,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14539689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnselaJonla/pseuds/AnselaJonla
Summary: At one point someone brought home a blackboard and a whiteboard from one of the schools near Abel, along with chalks and dry-wipe pens. These were installed in the rec room, for the passing on of important messages between residents of the Township.What Janine considers important and what said residents consider important are entirely different things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These started off as Facebook posts, in the Unofficial Zombies Run Rec Room community. I was encouraged to share them here as well, for International Runner Five Day, as I cannot mark the day with a run due to injury. The length of the posts varies, and I'm certain I haven't managed to retrieve them all.
> 
> They were written when I was bored, when I was tired, when I was on break at work, when I was travelling to or from work. Whenever the inspiration hit me, basically. Some are inspired by what was going on around me, others by my own twisted imagination.

I know about the amateur tattoo kit brought back by a runner. I know who has possession of said amateur tattoo kit. I know it has been used already by several Abel residents.

While I agree with the sentiment of tattooing your runner number somewhere on your body, I cannot agree with the manner in which it is being implemented. We do not have resources to waste on treating infected tattoos!!

The owner of the tattoo kit has 24 hours to present himself to the med center, along with the kit, so I can teach him how to effectively sterilise his equipment and care for a fresh tattoo. Instructions which I would hope he passes on to his customers.

I would also like to see anyone who has received a tattoo, so I can make sure it is healing correctly.

Doctor Myers.

P.S. I'm not joking. If you don't show up, I'm having security confiscate it.


	2. Chapter 2

Advice for hot weather in Abel Township:  
1) Stay out of the sun where possible, especially in the middle of the day.  
2) Drink your entire water allowance.  
3) Sorry, all fans are required in the comms shack and generator rooms. Even if we had spares, there's not enough power to run any more.  
3a) Only authorised personnel are allowed in the comms shack.  
3b) If you have to ask if you're on that list, you're not.  
4) All swimming expeditions to the lake are required to have at least four sharpshooters equipped with headsets on duty at all times.  
4a) It's recommended to take double this amount so everyone gets a chance to swim, or else no one will volunteer.  
5) Please do not sleep naked. Alerts and drills can happen at any hour, and no one wants to see that much of you.


	3. Chapter 3

Reminder: all library books must be returned promptly. If you need more time to finish it, please ask for an extension.

Addendum: do NOT remove Abel library books from Abel, unless you are scheduled to spend the night elsewhere. Why do you need to take a book when you go running?!

Addendum 2: while I agree that Twilight and its sequels are terrible books, and the Fifty Shades series is worse, there are actually people in Abel who like them. STOP BURNING THEM!!


	4. Chapter 4

Runners WILL stop streaking naked through the quad when drunk. Immediately!

\---

Male residents of Abel are advised that Doctor Meyers will have no sympathy for injuries obtained in the course of peeking into the women's showers.

\---

If you want a Runner to collect something for you on a supply run, please speak to them before they leave the Township.

\---

Supply trips to Aphrodite's Palace will no longer be permitted. If you want something from there, you will have to travel there yourself. Seriously, it's swarming with zoms, I'm not sending MY Runners in there!

\---

Volunteers wanted to babysit Mollie.


	5. Chapter 5

Notice to ALL residents of Abel Township:  
Please refrain from referring to Carena as "Zombie Bait" where Mr Skeet can hear you. He does not appreciate the moniker, and it IS rather insensitive.

This applies even if you HAVE just rescued her from a horde of zombies. Keep your opinions to yourself in future.


	6. Chapter 6

To ALL Runners  
Supplies recovered on runs must be properly logged and shelved in the appropriate storeroom. If you are somehow confused as to which one you need, please ask myself, Mr Yao, or, preferably, the current stockroom manager. She is not as terrifying as some of you seem to think she is.

Any Runners caught just putting supplies on the first empty shelf, or even the floor, in the stockroom closest to the gates WILL be assigned to help Ms Hewitt tidy, clean, and inventory the stockrooms. I don't care how keen you are to get a shower and meal after your runs, proper inventory management is even more important than ever.

I hope I do not have to issue this reminder again at a future date. I will be most displeased if so.

Janine


	7. Chapter 7

To everyone  
If you mock the appearance of a returning Runner on a wet day within their hearing range, you deserve whatever punishment they dish out.  
Do not expect me to be sympathetic about any injuries resulting from this. You brought it on yourself.  
Doc Meyers


	8. Chapter 8

Cold and flu season is upon us once again. Here are some tips for staying safe this winter.  
1) Please stop reaching for weapons every time you hear a cough, sneeze, or sniffle. I promise that everyone inside the walls has been checked for bites since they last passed through the gates.  
2) Runners with the sneezes are advised to remain inside Abel; it's hard to evade zombies when you're making that much noise.  
3) It IS sometimes just a cold, put those weapons down!  
4) No one is to work in the kitchens or canteens if they are showing the following symptoms:  
*Coughing  
*Sneezing  
*Vomiting  
*Diarrhoea  
If I catch anyone doing so, I will NOT be impressed!  
5) No, really, put the weapons away. Seriously, I am not sure whether to applaud your dedication to Abel's safety or be disturbed by your willingness to hurt someone "just in case".  
6) Sorry Runners, but if cold or flu symptoms first flare up during a run, you're going into quarantine. No exceptions allowed.  
7) No using comms if you're so feverish you're hallucinating or unable to tell basic directions.  
8) This is for the Runners, but if any of you want to volunteer for extra pharmacy or hospital trips, come see me!  
Doc Meyers


	9. Chapter 9

To all Abel residents  
I don't care how keen you are to stretch out the cleanliness of your clothing. It is NEVER acceptable to attend meals naked. Or in your underwear. From this point forwards, the mess tent has a No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service policy. Please learn to eat without spilling food all down yourself, it's a waste of nutrition.

On a related note, those who win the laundry lottery will be excluded from the next draw in the interests of fairness. Some people have an uncanny amount of luck to the detriment of others. If you have not won for four weeks in a row, please speak to myself or Doctor Myers in order to be automatically given a laundry pass.  
JDL

\----

Lost:  
One Teddy Bear  
Missing an eye and an arm  
Belly has black stitching across it  
If found please return to Ed & Molly.  
PS. Please hurry, she won't sleep properly without Mr Ted.

\----

Knitting classes  
Time: Whenever I'm not busy  
Location: Rec Room  
Bring your own wool and needles: ask a Runner to find you some if you don't have any  
Jodie.

\----

Hey Jodie, have you thought about that request I made?

\----

My answer is the same. I'm not knitting you a cock sleeve.

\----

Spoilsport.

\----

She'd need a magnifying glass to make it anyway mate.

\----

Say that to my face, Owen!

\----

Please keep your infantile squabbling off this noticeboard. You're wasting ink! Don't make me take the whiteboard markers away!


	10. Chapter 10

If I hear of ANYONE replicating Mr Lauchlan's idiotic stunt involving a cardboard baler and a zombie, I will be MOST displeased. It was neither clever nor funny.

\----

C'mon Jenny! I admitted it was wrong. A full month of latrine duties is a bit much!

\----

I could make it two if you'd prefer.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys. Someone I know on rofflenet managed to get into an old server and he shared some of the contents with me. I thought I'd copy it out to share with the rest of you. Please pin it back on here when you're done with it!

\---

Mr Yao, this is a terrible waste of paper! Also, your handwriting is atrocious.

If anyone in Abel gets any Ideas from reading this, I am blaming you.

\--

So that wasn't you laughing as Simon read out part of the list in the rec room last night, Janine?

\--

I got handcramp while writing it out, okay. And I am sure that everyone in Abel is a responsible and mature adult who wouldn't dream of copying someone else's pranks instead of coming up with their own.

\--

You must have been mistaken, Miss Marsh.

Mr Yao, you have met certain of Abel's residents, have you not? I do not share your confidence in their maturity or self-restraint.


	12. Chapter 12

Dorm C  
I know what one of you smuggled into Abel after your last supply run. I do not entirely approve, but I have been made aware of the possibility of a mutiny if I force you to release it. Your Head of Runners will deal with you. You may keep it, for now.

Food procurement  
No, it won't get any bigger. It isn't worth killing and butchering. It is most definitely not worth the injuries inflicted by those determined to protect their new 'pet'.

General announcement  
The new Dorm C pet is not a "miniature deer" or an escaped experiment. It is called a dik-dik (stop sniggering, Mr Yao) and it is native to Africa. It is entirely harmless. The children should be supervised while interacting with it, to ensure that they do not accidentally injure it. Anyone seen "accidentally" releasing a dog near it WILL be punished.


	13. Chapter 13

If I find the person that stole my marmite and curly wurlys from the radio shack, I will hurt you! Why do you hate me so much?!

\--

I removed them to your quarters Mr Yao. We've discussed this. You can't keep food in the radio shack, it attracts vermin which then chew the wires.

\--

You can't go touching a man's lunchbox without his permission Janine!

\--

I assure you Mr Yao, I have no interest in touching your... lunchbox, with or without your permission.

\--

On behalf of all the Runners, EWWWwW!!!


	14. Chapter 14

Please sign here if you want Janine to authorise a mission to clear out and secure the sports pavilion on the park, including the pitches, baseball court, and tennis courts.

Simon

\--

Denied.

\--

Come on! Give people a chance to make their voices heard at least.

\--

You seem to be mistaking Abel for a democracy, Mr Lachlan. It is not. Mission request denied.

\--

You know that I brought back some cricket balls, right? And gave them to Jack.

\--

Threats will not change my mind. Mr Holden will repair any damage caused by his hobby.

\--

Don't drag me into this!!

\--

No one's going near the park right now anyway. New Canton dragged a pack in there, and it's not budging.

\--

Thank you Mr Yao. I don't want to hear about this again. If you're bored I can always find something for you to do.


	15. Chapter 15

Despite what you may have been told, being able to sing The Lumberjack Song is NOT a requirement for wood collection parties. If that is your daily assignment, you may not decline it on the basis of "I only know half the words".


	16. Chapter 16

I am aware that the shambling corpses of Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins have been spotted in the vicinity of Abel. I am also aware of the low opinion that many of our residents held for these particular public figures prior to the end of civilisation as we know it.

I am not, however, willing to order a capture mission merely so you can express your opinion of their former selves upon their rotting shells. If they are encountered by an Abel Runner, they are to be given the same treatment as any other zombie.

\----

Surely being dead would actually make those two more tolerable to be around?

\----

They're zombies, Mr Yao. They are not in any way "tolerable".

\----

You DO know why so many people hate them, don't you?

\----

I didn't have time to watch daytime television Mr Yao.

\----

Boring.


	17. Chapter 17

After yesterday's incident, please ensure that ladders are not in use before you move them. I do not appreciate having people stuck on my roof.

\--

It was COLD up there! And windy. I thought I was going to be blown off. You can get someone else to replace roof tiles next time!

\--

Look mate, I already apologised when I put the ladder back, AND I said I'd go up there next time some tiles come off. I didn't know you were up there, I swear.

\--

The ladder being against the house instead of in the storage shed wasn't enough of a clue?

\--

From now on, all roof repairs will be done with someone securing the bottom of the ladder, to prevent further misunderstandings like this.


	18. Chapter 18

Warning: balsam tissues do NOT make good toilet paper. Ladies beware!

\--

You didn't know that already?

\--

You did?!

\--

Running out of bog roll isn't a purely post apocalyptic problem.

\--

True. You could have warned us though.

\--

I thought it was common knowledge.

\--

I have a box of plain tissue that I'll trade for the rest of the balsam ones.

\--

You're a life saver Sam.

\----

Curfew is in place for a reason. Breaking it for anything less than an emergency will be punished by a loss of privileges and/or assignment to punishment duties. A burning desire to serenade "the love of your life" (and the rest of their dormitory) is not classed as an emergency.

I know who you are. I do not want to hear a repeat.

\--

Plus you can't even hold a tune. And I'm not an "uptown girl". Have you even heard my accent, it's as far from posh as you can get.

\--

I dunno, I've heard worse. We can tell you're speaking English at least.

\--

Had to soften my accent to be taken seriously in my old job. If you ever get me drunk, you'll hear my real accent.

\--

I know what you mean. My boys always knew they were in trouble if my accent deepened.


	19. Chapter 19

Runners using the training area do not need motivating. Even if they did, Disney is not appropriate. Therefore you will cease to use vital equipment and power to play "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" during training sessions.

\--

Excuse me, that song is totally appropriate for training! Fine, I'll stop using the loudspeakers.

\--

I did not mean that you should go down there and sing it yourself! If you have time to visit the training area, you have time to use it.

\--

Challenge accepted.

\--

That is... acceptable. Your fitness has certainly improved if you can sing while running.

I thought you didn't speak Chinese though?

\--

It's Mulan! Chinese cultural heritage etc. My grandad insisted we watch it in Chinese. I can sing ALL the songs from that film in three languages.

\--

I see. Please don't make a habit of it. I wouldn't want you to forget yourself in the field. You are...not easily replaceable.

\--

Was that a compliment?

\--

Don't get used to it.

\--

Love you too.


	20. Chapter 20

Hey Jack, a few messages for you, from everyone within hearing range of your 'performance' last night  
1) You can't sing  
2) You're not Whitney Houston, so stop trying to hit those high notes  
3) Really, you can't sing  
4) If you really want to hit those high notes, there's a few people who'll be willing to aid you in that endeavour  
5) Everyone within a hundred miles of Abel knows you love Eugene, there's no need to caterwaul about it  
6) Especially since you can't sing  
7) You do realise that's a breakup song, right?   
8) I don't care if you never left your tent, that amount of noise counts as breaking curfew

\--

While I appreciate the sentiment of your performance, Mr Holden, might I suggest that next time you sing a bit more quietly, and choose a song that is within your vocal range. I do not enjoy dealing with the social fallout from these overly dramatic romantic gestures that some people insist on engaging in.

And for anyone who wants to perpetuate this hormone-driven idiocy, please remember that all would-be romantic gestures are to be confined to the safety of Abel. I do not wish to hear of mission requests for picnics in the zombie-filled park, moonlit strolls along the zombie-filled river, or candlelit dinners in zombie-filled stately homes. Neither I nor Mr Yao will approve such outings.


	21. Chapter 21

No, I am NOT going to sing Land Down Under just coz you ask me to. Go harass someone else.

\--

Hey, you're the one who complained about other people's inability to sing it with the right accent.

\--

I wanted them to stop butchering it. That doesn't mean I have any desire to sing it myself.

\--

Yet you cheerfully butcher 500 Miles on a frequent basis. Pot, meet kettle.

\--

You're just jealous that there's no songs in your accent Jodie.

\--

Good!

\--

Can we all at least agree that the Gangnam Style experiment should never again be repeated?

\--

Well, if we find someone who actually speaks Korean...

\--

How about you all stop singing while running? All you do us terrify wildlife, scare away potential recruits, and draw zombies to your position.

Also, not a single one of you can hold a tune, and it hurts to hear you whenever I have reason to be in comms.

\--

And the spoilsport of the week award goes to Janine.


	22. Chapter 22

Mr Yao, I have had several complaints about your continued singing over comms. Specifically your current obsession with "Every Breath You Take" or, as Miss Marsh called it, 'that creep stalker song'. Please refrain from singing it while on duty

\--

Well...it IS accurate.

\--

And creepy! I've never liked that song. I know you're watching me whenever I'm out on a run, you don't need to remind me.

\--

Fine. I won't sing it any more.

\--

Please don't sing anything.

\--

I won't make promises I can't keep.


	23. Chapter 23

In light of this sudden cold weather, I would like to reiterate that I don't care who is sleeping (or "sleeping") with whom, or where. As long as it is consensual and inside of the sleeping quarters, you can do whatever you like.

I will not be sharing my quarters, however. I don't care how cold it gets.

\--

Mr Yao, I am forced to amend my previous statement in your situation. Please sleep in your assigned quarters, and not that...cupboard attached to the comms shack. There are no runners in the field, and so you have no need to be within hearing range of your comms equipment.

\--

I'll be fine. I've got blankets, and I've made a totally comfy nest like thing in there. You don't need to worry about me.

\--

I don't care if you have made a "comfy nest" in there; having seen it, I don't know if hypothermia or suffocation would kill you quicker.

\--

I'll be fine. It's quieter in here.

\--

Come over to the med tent Sam. We can make an even better nest if we pool our blankets. I won that awesome king sized plum colored fleece off Simon in last week's poker game, remember.

\--

Announcement: sleepover in the rec room, two blanket admission fee, bring your own pillow! To last until it warms up again. Amusements include knitting lessons (I have spare needles), yoga sessions, jigsaws (try not to lose any more pieces guys), and board games (NO MONOPOLY!) NO SEX!


	24. Chapter 24

Jack, Eugene, I think you should hide.

Janine found those snowmen you made.

\--

Why am I getting the blame for what Jack did?

\--

Because you put your initials on it.

\--

I have to admit, they were anatomically correct snowmen at least. And the snowwoman was equally accurate.

\--

I think that's why Janine is on the warpath.

\--

We're not responsible for the snowwoman! That was Maxine!

\--

Traitors!

\--

You are ALL children.

\--

I'd be very disturbed if children made those.


	25. Chapter 25

To all Runners,  
A mission report consists of more than just "Went out for a run, saw zoms, evaded zoms, grabbed a few supplies, came home in time for tea". I would like some actual detail.

\--

UNDERSTOOD BOSS LADY!

\--

I do not, however, require War and Peace to be placed upon my desk. Noting down how many steps you took, constant measurements of your speed, every interaction with Mr Yao (and I will be having stern words with him about comms discipline... again), detailed descriptions of every zombie you encountered including sketches, and a complete run down of all supplies collected including location found, is entirely unnecessary. And also a waste of precious paper.

I know who you are. You are terrible at disguising your handwriting. I will be having words with you in private.

\--

For the sake of Janine's sanity, I have created a template for Run reports. Please collect them from Mr Yao or myself when you return to Abel.

\--

How is it that the world has gone to hell in a handcart, civilisation as we know it has collapsed... and yet we still have paperwork to do? You'd think we'd have got rid of all that red tape now we have more important things to worry about.

\--

Accountability is important, as is being able to build a fuller picture of what is going on in order to accurately predict and respond to future events.

\--

Admit it Janine, even you get cabin fever and you're trying to live vicariously through the Runners. I can always rota you in, you know. Runner Eight won't mind going on a run with you.

\--

I am of more use in Abel than in the field, Mr Yao.

\--

You're of more use to us sane than you are crazy from being cooped up too long. Just say the word and I'll pencil you in.

\--

I'll... think about it.


	26. Chapter 26

I do not wish to hear any of the following phrases uttered over comms during missions. Life is dangerous enough without tempting fate.

* What could possibly go wrong?  
* How hard could it be?  
* Everything is quiet.  
* You're perfectly safe.  
* There's nothing to worry about.  
* I can't see any zoms.  
* It's not dangerous.  
* I can totally jump that.


	27. Chapter 27

Anyone want to have an "Abel's Got Talent" night?

\--

Is this a reference to something, Ms Marsh?

\--

Er... yeah... Come on, you must have heard of Britain's Got Talent, surely? It was only the most popular reality tv show in the UK before Z-Day!

\--

Do I seem like the type of person to have watched such dross?

\--

Well, no. But it was all over the newspapers and the radio, and you had to have seen or heard it mentioned when you went down to the farmer's market?

\--

Funnily enough I was there to work, not to engage in mindless entertainment and gossip.

\--

You led a very boring life before we came along. Aren't you glad we're around now?

\--

Yes, I am so glad that collapse of civilisation as we know it has forced all of you to take shelter in my home.

Having grilled Mr Yao as to what you are referring to, I am reluctantly allowing this "Abel's Got Talent" to go ahead. If it keeps morale up, and boredom-related stupidity down, then I won't object.

Do not make me regret this decision.

\--

I have had multiple complaints from parents, and Mr Skeet, about the contents of last night's performances, specifically the Monty Python section. Mr Skeet has suggested that those who sang "Every Sperm is Sacred" should be the ones to answer the resultant questions from the children.

I agree. Please report to the school this afternoon. Mr Yao knows who to take off of today's run roster.

If I allow a repeat of this, all performances will remain child-friendly.

\--

Doctor Lobatse, could you please give a more accurate explanation to the children? And, possibly, to the Runners. It seems some of them are not quite as... educated as you would expect an adult to be.


	28. Chapter 28

I am aware that boredom is becoming an issue while off duty. I will not, however, sanction a mission to a cornershop just to collect up whatever puzzle books remain on the shelves. There are more important things out there to collect.

\--

We'd bring back other things too. Not just the puzzle books.

\--

I doubt you'd find anything of value in a cornershop Miss Marsh.

\--

I disagree. Did you ever go into KC's down on Oaklands? It was a mini-supermarket, not just "papers, booze, sweets, and cigs".

\--

I don't see any shop called "KC's" on my maps, Mr Yao.

\--

You wouldn't, it got bought up by one of the chains when I was a kid and renamed. The old name stuck though. Just like the pub opposite is still The Panther. Anyway, I'm sure we could find something useful in the shop, or the pub, or there's a Co-op nearby too, and a Bargain Booze, and a Tesco metro, and an Asda.

\--

We don't raid supermarkets, Mr Yao. Too many people headed there after being bitten, they're death traps.

\--

I know the Asda Sam means, and I scouted it last week. It's clear. Looks like someone got in through the loading bay door and got chased out by the horde inside.

\--

Thank you, Mr Lachlan. I will consider this request.

\--

I looted a Smiths while hiding from zoms last week. I'm sure I can be persuaded to donate a couple of brand new puzle books, with pens attached, to the rec room.

\--

You looted a Smiths and only came back with puzzle books?

\--

Of course not.


	29. Chapter 29

Guys, I know no one likes kitchen duty. But could you please take down that shrine to Namira that someone set up in there? And stop singing A Little Priest too?

\--

You're not normally this much of a spoilsport Sam.

\--

Sooner or later Janine is going to hear the singing. And then she'll come and investigate and spot the shrine. And then she'll ask me what it is and you know how bad I am at lying, especially to Janine.

Plus it is a little creepy. Namira cultists don't belong in a kitchen.

\--

I call religious intolerance!

\--

1) It's a fictional religion. 2) They don't. 3) Daedra worship is bad. 4) Please take it down before Janine gets done interpreting Sara's mission reports from the last two weeks.

\--

Two weeks? I gave you the reports as soon as I wrote them.

\--

And I may have held onto them for two weeks. And given them to Janine out of order. It's a useful distraction.

\--

One Namira shrine removed from the kitchen. I can't promise that the singing will stop.

\--

It's been moved to my bed, hasn't it?

\--

No comment.


	30. Chapter 30

Anyone up for a plank-a-thon in the quad later?

\--

Is that a contest to see who's the biggest plank?

\--

If it is, I don't think there's any contest when Three's involved.

\--

Who you calling a plank?

No, it's a planking competition. Who can plank the longest?

\--

Sounds like a good way to get a sunburned back and worn out muscles to me. Don't come crying to the med tent afterwards.

\--

It'll be fine. I'm not expecting anyone to beat my magnificence in this.

\--

You really think you're the best planker in Abel?

\--

I KNOW I'm the best planker in Abel.

\--

Challenge accepted. See you in the quad after lunch.

Sam will be the judge.

\--

You're on Eight!

\--

Don't drag me into this mess!

\--

I'm calling in that favour you owe me.

\--

I'll do it... only if ALL Runners are back by then.

\--

Don't you go sending Five out further than you should just to avoid this.

\--

I wouldn't dream of it.

\--

You would.


	31. Chapter 31

While I approve of the installation of a dart board in theory, your execution of it is... lacking.

Remove it from the back of the rec room door. Immediately.

\--

Already done. Sara made her opinion quite clear when I almost hit her with a dart.

\--

The new location is not much better, if you're going to continue allowing Mr Lachlan to play. I would suggest you relocate it to the wall opposite the door, to entirely remove the risk of him accidentally injuring someone entering the building.

\--

My aim isn't THAT bad.

\--

The dart board is six feet from the door, and yet you STILL managed to hit the door frame instead of the board. Your aim IS that bad.

\--

It was deliberate?

\--

Really not helping, Simon. Don't give her a reason to confiscate it.

\--

Yeah, that would be bad. We can't have an inaugural Abel Darts Tournament without a dart board.

\--

Good point.


	32. Chapter 32

Do I want to know why Mr Lachlan is currently strutting around Abel wearing nothing but a towel and high heels?

\--

No. No you most definitely don't want to know.

\--

It's not a towel, it's a dress.

\--

Explain. Now.

\--

This dress was made by one of the lovely ladies of dorm 2, who asked me to model it to promote their upcycling skills. Being the wonderful person that I am, I obviously agreed.

\--

Bullshit. You lost a bet.

\--

I believe Mr Lachlan is rotaed to run today.

\--

I can run like this.

\--

Oh no you don't Three. I am not going anywhere with you dressed like that. You'll show up to the gates dressed properly, or not at all.

\--

Not at all, eh?

\--

Phrasing, Sara!

\--

You wouldn't dare, Three.

-

Oh no. Did you have to say THAT?

\--

Challenge accepted.


	33. Chapter 33

If I tell you 'no running', I mean NO RUNNING!! This includes use of the training area. You won't get better if you don't rest!

\--

I was bored, and I felt fine.

\--

And now your ankle is the size of a grapefruit again and you can put even less weight on it than when you started. Well done.

NO RUNNING!

\--

What about walking?

\--

What about it?

\--

Well...I do need to visit the latrine, and Janine has strong opinions about relieving ourselves anywhere else.

\--

We have no spare crutches right now. I'll bring you a bed pan.

\--

On behalf of everyone else in the dorm, please keep him in the med tent if that's the solution.

\--

He can borrow mine for a bit.

\--

You sure Gene? You do need them.

\--

Well if Jack doesn't mind literally pushing me around while someone else has my crutches, then it's fine.

\--

You know I don't mind.

\--

That's settled then. Jack will bring them over in a bit.

\--

You're a lifesaver Eugene Woods. Having a bored Runner in my med tent for any longer than necessary would drive me insane.

\--

He's not THAT bad.

\--

He's butchering 90s pop songs and doing one armed push ups. At the same time.

\--

Okay. That might be a little irritating.


	34. Chapter 34

Mr Lachlan, I don't care if you're "too sexy for [your] shirt". You WILL wear the uniform provided while you are on duty. Or else.

\--

Or else what?

\--

How does peeling potatoes for the next month sound? I believe you have previously expressed a dislike for that particular duty. If it doesn't appeal, I believe the laundry always needs a few extra hands, or the latrine detail.

Or I could assign you as Ms Smith's partner for a while instead.

\--

You are a cruel, cruel woman Jenny. The shirt will stay on. Unless it needs to come off.

\--

Oi! Why am I being used as a punishment? I'm perfectly happy with Five as my partner.

\--

It is a fact that Mr Lachlan is better behaved after running with you.

\--

That's because I won't tolerate any of his bullshit. You let him get away with far too much Janine.

\--

Being overly strict is as detrimental to morale as being overly permissive.

\--

If you say so.

\--

Erm, Simon, dare I ask what happened to your shirt on today's run? The cameras weren't covering you at the time.

\--

Well Sammy, you see, there was this absolutely gorgeous woman who just HAD to have me right there and then. She took some fending off. It hurt me to do it, but there's a time and a place, you know.

\--

Translation from Simon-speak: his shirt got caught on brambles while he was running away from an angry dog. I did tell him not to try and take her puppies, but does he ever listen to me?

\--

My version was better Jody.

\--

Your version was a total fib and you know it.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slight foray into season 3 again, but no real spoilers.

Doctor Meyers, why do I keep hearing screaming from the med tent? Do I need to put security in there for a bit?

\--

Everything's fine. Some people are just massive babies.

Owen, don't forget your next appointment!

\--

You're off your rocker if you think I'm letting you torture me like that again.

\--

Fine, if you want to walk with a limp, lose the ability to run, and sacrifice quite a bit of flexibility in that leg and foot just because physio is a little bit painful...

\--

I'm sure I'll recover fine on my own. I always have before.

\--

Doctor Meyers, is this physio something that I could talk Mr Landis through. He might be more cooperative with me.

\--

I'll stick with Maxie. She knows what she's doing. And isn't sadistic and evil. Usually.

\--

I thought you might say that Mr Landis.

Doctor Meyers, if he gives you any more trouble, my offer still stands.


	36. Chapter 36

Until further notice, all "special lessons" at the school are to follow a plan agreed in advance with the regular teachers. No more improvisation.

\--

What did Simon do this time?

\--

Why do you always assume it's my fault Jodes?

\--

Because you're the biggest troublemaker here?

\--

For once Mr Lachlan is innocent. Ms Smith was the one traumatising the children.

\--

Traumatising is such a strong word...

\--

And yet an appropriate one. They were in tears.

\--

I don't know why. I didn't even threaten to shoot them.

\--

What I want to know is how you got Five to go along with it?

\--

I have my ways Three.

\--

Seriously, what happened while I was on perimeter check?

\--

I'll explain later, if you share that crate of newkie brown you think I don't know about. Everyone's overreacting.

\--

Congratulations Ms Smith, you're the first person in Abel to be entirely banned from taking your turn teaching the children.

\--

Damnit! I was aiming for that!

\--

I still don't see what the problem is.


	37. Chapter 37

Who is responsible for that mess of bedding in the rec room?

\--

I think that's Five and Eugene's pillow fort. They were discussing it over dinner last night.

\--

Hop-along Revolution! Abel's one-legged population demands fair and equal treatment!!

\--

Oh for pity's sake! Is this about Runner Five being barred from all physical activity until cleared by Doctor Meyers?

\--

Us differently-abled people can do just as much as everyone else! You just have to give us a chance!

\--

Erm, 'Gene, you DID see Five literally trip over air this morning, right? BTW, we're on air after dinner tonight.

\--

So Five needs a bit more practice at using crutches. Not everyone can be as brilliantly awesome as me. I'll be reporting from the field, aka the fort.

\--

Five will not be partaking in any physical activity until I am happy with how that ankle is healing. Right now I am not happy. By the way, you both have appointments this afternoon, please don't make me hunt you down.

\--

You'll never catch us. Even on crutches we can run faster than you.

\--

No you can't. Don't make me send Janine after you. Or Sam.

\--

Low blow, Doc. You know that Sam is Five's weakness.

\--

I'll see you both this afternoon then?

\--

Maybe.


	38. Chapter 38

Keep those kittens away while I have my knitting stuff out, or I'll make YOU tidy up the mess they make.

\--

But they're so cute.

\--

They're menaces. Do you know how long it took me to untangle the yarn someone let them play with?

\--

Maybe YOU should knit somewhere else then.

\--

Maybe you don't want that sweater you asked for.

\--

Maybe we should all get along?

\--

No one asked you.

\--

Sam's right. Keep those kittens away from the yarn please, and please remember that they're not to be pets. Four, you know what cats are like with yarn, so keep it out of their reach if they're around.

BTW, I picked up some more yarn earlier, some of that special stuff for making scarfs. It's green and silver, and I'm pretty certain someone asked you for one in those colours.

\--

Yeah. Thanks Sara, just leave it on my bunk.


	39. Chapter 39

I luuuuuuuuuuv you! More than anything else in the world!! You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!!!

\--

Who wrote that?!

\--

Better question, how drunk was he?

\--

Or she.

\--

Good point Maxie.

\--

Even better question, who is it directed to?

\--

Is any of this relevant to your duties?

\--

It's not like any of us are on night shift guard duty Janine.

\--

This is a waste of ink. Drop this topic. Immediately.

\--

Oooh, maybe it's a love letter to Janine?

\--

I doubt it Mr Yao.

\--

Yeah Sam, who'd be insane enough to try and get in Janine's knickers?

\--

What Jody means is that you're a wonderful woman Janine, but you can be a little... intimidating.

\--

I believe I told you to drop this topic.

\--

Oooh, Janine has a booooyfriend!

\--

Drunk again Jack? Share the wealth!

\--

I will if you do!

\--

Topic. Closed.

Continuation will result in latrine duty.

\--

Yes boss!

\--

Fine.

\--

I've taken the marker away from Jack.

\--

Spoilsport.


	40. Chapter 40

More noticeboard my lovelies

\----

What was that shrieking coming from the men's dorms this morning?

\--

Nothing important. Forget about it.

\--

Sam found a spider in his boxers. A really little spider.

\--

A little spider? Is that all?

\--

It wasn't THAT small. And Simon forgot to mention that I didn't know it was there until after I put them on.

\--

So you were screaming like a little girl because there was a spider in your undies?

\--

I wasn't screaming like a little girl.

\--

You so were.

\--

He screamed even more when Janine burst in with a gun.

\--

You screamed too.

\--

Only because she tried to shoot me.

\--

Trust me Mr Lachlan, had I been aiming for you, you wouldn't be filling this noticeboard with your inane scribbles.

\--

You're so mean Jenny.

\--

I'm practical. Now get back to your duties. Gossip on your own time, preferably without wasting precious marker ink.


	41. Chapter 41

Yay for noticeboard. The spelling mistakes are intentional.

\----

Do I want to know what idiotic bet or dare led to several people sleeping on the roof last night?

\--

No bet. Just heat.

\--

I see. In future, please confine your outdoor sleeping to ground level. I don't think Doctor Meyers would appreciate any injuries that would result from falling off in your sleep.

\--

You worry too much.

\--

I am merely concerned with the safety of my personnel.

Where did that paddling pool come from?

\--

Oh, me and 5 found it a few days ago. I thought it would be a nice thing to have in this whether. It was dam heavy to carry back, I'll tell you. We had to drop it too run away from zoms quiet a few times.

\--

It certainly seems to be popular. Do try and keep Ms Marsh from using it to murder Mr Lachlan. I'm sure whatever he said didn't warrant an attempted drowning.

\--

He pulled my top off!

\--

I already said it was an accident!

\--

Don't make me insist on segregated swimming.


	42. Chapter 42

More noticeboard. Blame Steve.

\----

Explosives are NOT toys.

\--

Nor are they suitable for all uses.

\--

Do try to remember that using explosions to kill zombies tends to create crawlers that someone will need to deal with later.

Preferably the person who created them.

\--

No. Using enough explosives to "totally atomise" your targets is NOT the answer.

\--

From now on, explosives will only be issued to those Runners who have passed MY safety test.

\--

With a perfect score.

\--

And a record of maturity in the field.

\--

Explosives will no longer be issued to ANY Runners. At all.

\--

How did you manage to blow THAT up with homemade explosives?

\--

Miss Smith, I think you and I need to have a word about your prior activities and associations.

\--

No. Improvised. Explosive. Devices.

\--

That includes ANFO bombs Miss Smith.

\--

If you draw zoms to your position by detonating things, I won't allow Mr Yao to send a rescue team out.

\--

That was a one-off. Taking Runner Five was cheating Mr Lachlan.

\--

You are ALL insane!


	43. Chapter 43

A little bit of noticeboard.

\----

Could the snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings that stole my favourite nail polish please return it to my bunk?

\--

Sorry. It was on the table, and Three said it had been left there for takesies.

\--

Shut your festering gob. I never said that.

\--

Watch it Three, or you'll be pinin' for the fjords.

\--

What was that, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert?

\--

Hey! I only resemble ONE of those remarks.

\--

That reminds me. Next time I see you peeking while it's women's shower time, I'm poking your eyes out.

\--

Kinda need them to run Jodes.

\--

Would you rather she went for your balls instead Three?

\--

I need those too. I mean, women are tripping over themselves to get close to such a gorgeous specimen as me.

\--

Are you sure you didn't eat any of that bad batch of spam? You seem to be hallucinating.

\--

I get no appreciation. None at all.

\--

Can I remind you all that this is meant to be for serious communication, and NOT the trading of childish insults! I'm sure you all have work to be getting on with.


	44. Chapter 44

Some Noticeboard for my lovelies. Blame Steve.

\----

Lost: one teddy bear. Brown with blue denim overalls and a missing eye. Please leave under noticeboard.

\--

Molly lost her teddy again?

\--

Nah, Molly's teddy is pink and white with a dress and a bow in its hair. I think that's Sammy's handwriting.

\--

How do you know what Molly's teddy looks like Si? And I don't think Sam sleeps with a teddy bear.

\--

It ended up on a roof last week after Molly threw a temper tantrum. Guess who ended up retrieving it. I could totally see Sammy sleeping with a teddy bear. He is a bit... childish sometimes.

\--

Oh, so that's why Five was up a ladder. I did wonder. And pot, kettle, black.

\--

You wound me Jodes.

\--

Your teddy bear is in the laundry room Mr Yao. It fell in the marmite puddle underneath your keyboard, the one I am sure I told you to dispose of several times already. I didn't think your appreciate of marmite stretched to it being transferred all over your sleeping area. I am confused as to how your teddy bear ended up in the comms shack though.

\--

Thanks Janine! I took him with me when Eight literally dragged me out of my nice, warm, comfy sleeping bag the other day in order to help you coordinate several emergency decoy runs. It's not like she gave me time to put him away.

\--

If you don't want to be dragged out of bed, I suggest waking up when your name is called over the loudspeakers. If that means going to sleep earlier, instead of spending half the night gossiping with Misters Wood and Holden, then that is hardly a sacrifice.


	45. Chapter 45

Some noticeboard, been percolating in my brain since this morning.

\----

Hey, 4, you know about your namesake?

\--

Stop.

\--

Oh come on.

\--

No.

\--

Please?

\--

I said no! It's never going to happen!

\--

Not even if I ask nicely?

\--

You can ask all you want, but my answer won't change.

\--

I'll convince you one day.

\--

3, stop harassing 4.

4, just slap him next time.

\--

Stop telling people to slap me 8!

\--

I cold tell her to shoot you?

\--

Janine, I'm being threatened!

\--

Not without cause it seems. Please stop asking Ms Marsh to do something she has already refused to do. I'm sure she has her reasons.


End file.
